O levels results for the 2021 batch was released last week.
To recognise our efforts, our school boss gave all staff a bento lunch treat this week. Our department boss followed up with another bento lunch treat 2 days later. When we had a busy Week 1 of activities, I also gave a nasi lemak treat to my team. Usually on Fridays, to 'celebrate' the end of the work week and breakaway from the mundane canteen food, a colleague will pop up to ask if want to order lunch delivery.. YAY!
Why do we prefer to give food treats as a form of reward / recognition / showing care?
Why do we feel rewarded / recognised / cared for when someone treats us to a meal?
Why can't my boss reward us with red pens? Why didn't I buy keychains that says "GOOD JOB!" to thank my team members?
Why use food?
To Singaporeans, food is an important part of our culture and DNA. We drive all over the island and do not mind queueing for long hours just to satisfy our cravings. We could even plan overseas trips just to try out authentic local food. Thus it is natural for us to associate food as rewards during 庆功宴 and annual staff dinners, or the occasional lunch treat from boss to recognise hard work put in and keep staff motivated, or the mandatory tea breaks served during workshops/ meetings/ conferences to let us feel that someone cares for us.
Outside of work, we meet friends for meals to celebrate birthdays and friendaversaries. Even if it's a shopping outing, it will almost definitely include a meal or coffee. We organise class outings, reunion parties, year end count down gatherings that revolves around food.
Having a meal together means I value you enough to want to spend this time to do this activity together with you.
And this is why the family meal is sacred.
Our kids have always been eating with us since the day they were born. 3 meals a day (sometimes more), 365 days a year. There will be the occasional birthday party where they were invited to alone and that's about it. But the assumption is we always eat together as a family.
Those meal times were opportunities for good habits to be formed. Examples:
THANKING OTHERS - Showing appreciation to the people who prepared and served the food to you by thanking them. Teach them to appreciate the effort put in by the mum / dad / grandma / domestic helper to put the food on the table. Even if it's a piece of bread that's placed in front of them. Someone brought it to them. Learn to say thank you to those who took effort to serve you and make sure you have something to eat. REGARDLESS of taste / color/ smell.
RESPECTING OTHERS - Good table manners. Don't play with the utensils nor the food. Food is not a toy. Food is food. Toys are toys. Finish what is placed before you. If you want more, always ask first to make sure everyone has their share. If you don't like the taste, STILL FINISH your share and don't take more. Give feedback politely. Tsk, Yeeks, Yucks, Pui are not polite feedback. STAY SEATED when you are eating.
BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOURSELF - If you make a mess at the dining table, you clean up your own mess. Bring in your own plates and utensils. If you spill anything, clean it up yourself.
BE RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHERS - when they are older and can manage simple household chores, they can take turns to help with the cleaning and washing of dishes.
Most importantly, the family meal time is time for all of us to connect with one another. We set aside time for one another, we set aside our work, our mobile devices, our toys, and we give one another the time and attention. As parents, we have learned to put aside our handphones away from the dining table. This sends the message to the kids that time to eat with them is more important than whatever that needs to be resolved on the phone. By the time the kids have their own mobile devices, this became natural for them NOT to bring them to the dining table.
So what do we do while eating? We connect through talking! We share stories of what happened during the day. We share life stories, jokes, funny moments, current affairs, whats trending, and anything under the sun.
When the kids were young, they couldn’t participate in the conversations much and it’s was more of Q&A sessions during meal times. We spent most of our time together anyway so there was nothing much to update unless it’s the papa sharing happenings from work.
That was also a time I started to take family meal times for granted and did not show full appreciation of its value until a visit from a young family who came over for a meal. It was a simple meal but the dad was sharing how blessed we are that we can have family meals on a daily basis. Due to the nature of his job, he can’t be home in time for dinner most of the time, and he treasures every meal that he can have with the family. His comments reminded me to change my attitude to appreciate having such opportunities on a daily basis. 真是身在福中不知福……
As the kids grew up and got busier with their individual schedules, we realise it is getting increasingly difficult to have quality family meal time together. Things are not sooooo bad at the moment but we know it will be more and more difficult. Opportunities for family time become lesser as we have our separate commitments to fulfil. Thus the family meal time becomes the ONE time where everyone can sit together, eat together and have a chat together. We want to treasure these times as much as we can now, and inculcate the understanding of the importance of the family meal in the kids.
能吃是福
能和家人一起吃，那是上帝的祝福