"爸爸 next year can I go school myself?"
This question from eldest provoked a series of reactions and thoughts. First thought was whyyyyyyyyy.......
His answer was cos his friends go to school themselves. That of course was not a satisfactory answer to me.
Have we reached the stage where my son doesn't want to hang out with me?
He doesn't like it anymore?
He's embarrassed of me?
Part of my over-reaction is also because next year, no.2 will be going to the same school as well. So to me, it doesn't make much sense for me to be sending no.2 while the eldest takes public transport. I also know of parents who refuse to ferry their kids to school (and kids who refuse to be ferried by their parents) as it was a known fact that the parents did not have a good relationship with their kids. This was a big put off for me... to be seen as NOT having a good relationship with my kids and that's why he doesn't want to take my car to school.
That sparked off a chiding from me to eldest.
Why? You don't like? You're embarrassed? It doesn't make sense right?
I even threatened that if eldest is taking bus, then no.2 will take bus with him too!
我谁都不要载了！
I slumped onto the sofa, closed my eyes, and reflected.
Why am I so upset? People's perception of me as a father.
Is that an acceptable reason? No, and it should not be a consideration at all.
Then why am I still upset? Is it true that my son doesn't love me anymore? No.
Then why can't I let him go to school himself?
I began to think of my own childhood and how much I crave for my dad to ferry me to and from school. But ever since I was in Primary 4, I had been independent and 自己上下学. This continued to Secondary school to JC to army to Uni. I went to school myself. I went home myself. I collected results by myself. I registered for schools by myself. I reported first day to institutions by myself. I crave so much for this act of service from my own dad.
Why is my son rejecting this act of service and love from me?
From my own childhood experience, what did I learn in the process?
Independence - I learned to take public transport by myself. I learned to plan my route. How to top up my old MRT card. Bus / MRT? Which stop to alight? How long will it take? And we did not have Google / Siri to help us then.
Problem solving skills - This is one big part of being independent. You learn to solve problems by yourself, and usually, unforeseen ones. There were countless times I fell asleep on public transport and missed my stop... then how? What should I do if my card runs out of money? What if I do not have enough coins? What if I running late? Do I stick to the same plan, or switch ?
Care for others. I learned to observe my surrounding to know who needs help, who needs the seat more than me, who is pregnant and who merely LOOK like pregnant...
Physical fitness. Soooooo many instances of chasing after the bus, running up the escalator to catch the tooting train, and sprinting to meet-up points to be on time. All these actually helped to build up my fitness after years of sprinting and quick-response to incoming / outgoing traffic!
Perseverance. After a long day in school, especially after sports / training, I really wish to get home as soon as I can to shower and rest. Instead, I have to walk out of school to the bus stop to take the feeder bus to the train station to take the MRT to my station to switch to feeder bus before dragging my feet home. And if it RAINS, the feeling is SIAN TO THE MAX. But yet, I persevered and try my best to make it home to do my homework. And also muster enough energy to sprint after that HEARTLESS bus.
Realised these are all good life skills that were built up just because I was never chauffeured. And these are life skills that I want my kids to have.
So I decided to give these options to the eldest.
Yes you can choose whether to be chauffeured or go yourself, but on one condition.
If you decide to go yourself, then you will stick to this decision. Even if you wake up late or it is raining heavily or you have many things to carry or all happen at the same time, YOU WILL GO YOURSELF. No compromise. No please please beg beg nonsense. And we will review this decision at the end of each term.
He said he will think about it.
“These things I command you, that you love one another.” John 15:17