We attended the church wedding of a dear sister last weekend. It was a simple ceremony that was well-thought and heartwarming. During the exchange of vows, the bride sobbed while saying her vow. Not teared, she sobbed.
Of course, the audience had the usual jokes of 'Wah she regret already ah, why cry?'. Ok I think it's only me who had that funny thought flashed across my mind.
The bride later shared the reason.
She is in the Law profession and understood the significance of words and VOWS. Vows are sacred and meant to be KEPT. Thus she finds it difficult to make a vow, especially a wedding vow which is a lifetime commitment. One does not simply make a vow without trying their utmost best to keep them. In her experience, she had seen a more than enough fair share of words loosely used, vows easily broken, and promises unkept.
Hence a wedding vow is significant.
When we make the vow, we pledge ourselves to one another. Two lives joined as One. No differentiation between what is mine and yours. Everything is Ours. The good, the bad, and the ugly side.
It is a Commitment for Life. Everyone is calm and happy when it is smooth sailing. When the going gets tough, we rough it out together and make it work.
Hence the pledge is "For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health", which encompasses ALL CIRCUMSTANCES.
The pledge is NOT "To have and to hold, For better, for richer, and in health. BUT For worse, for poorer and in sickness, then do us part."
When we make the vow, we take the leap of faith to fully trust our partner to share the same commitment to uphold the promise too. It is a big leap as we make ourselves VULNERABLE to the other half. It is not just a TRUST that we will love one another for as long as we live. But a TRUST that we will love one another even if we may have our differences, our conflicts, and hurts. Despite it all, we will honor one another through it all. This can be a daunting undertaking.
Hence, a wedding vow is significant. It's NOT only words, and these words don't come cheap. These words form a promise and a commitment.
Do you remember your wedding vow? I still remember mine.
我，————， 奉你，————为妻。从今以后，愿尊上帝的圣命，无论安乐，困苦，富足，贫穷，软弱，健康，我都敬爱你，照顾你，尊重你，直到终身。这是我诚心应许你的。
Yes ours is in Chinese as we come from a Chinese church. We commit it to memory and remembered our vows till this day. Even my wife who is stronger in the English language did it!
To those pre-marriage couples, please commit your vows to memory. If you are serious about it, you will keep it in your head and your heart. Don't let the distractions of wedding preparation or fear of pre-wedding jitters give you an excuse NOT TO MEMORISE them. This is likely the first truly meaningful task both of you set to do together.
And that's just the start.
A marriage is more than just the vow.
A vow is more than just the words.
And the words, are not just words.
But it's a start.
P.S: I just promised my wife to bring her for a holiday to South Korea next year 🤞
What comes out of the mouth, proceeds from the heart - Matthew 15:18