Finally someone asked me why I have not been blogging recently. My last blogpost was in June followed by an insta post in July and then silence...
Honestly, there were reflections and thoughts and blogposts written but I hesitated to publish them. Some of these posts are really personal and may be too revealing for comfort (to some people). Even my wife who was the one that asked me about my blog absence felt that it may be uncomfortable to some. Oh well, so yes I am still alive, am still reflecting and writing, but just not publishing them for the eyes of the public.
And I was reminded of an article from last week 👇
If it's TLDR for u, here is a summary:
Men are expected to behave like what the world expects men to behave
Men are expected not to behave like what the world expects men not to behave
Men are feeling stressed
But men don't have enough avenues to share this stress without being judged
So more and more men are feeling more stressed.
And that's why men tend to die younger than women 🤪🤪🤪
Jokes aside, this is a real issue among men. We tend to just suck it up and move on. We tend NOT to talk about our struggles as talking means opening up which makes us feel vulnerable and being vulnerable makes us feel weak.
So is the solution to find ways to make men talk about their struggles more?
This is no easy problem to solve. Personally from a man's POV, we are wired differently.
I know I have struggles and it's ok to have struggles.
I know it'll be healthier for me to talk about them rather than bottle them up.
But men are selective on the 'who' to talk to about 'what' during 'when'. To tell us to join a help group to just open up and talk about our inner secrets is a big step/ hurdle/ river/ mountain to cross.
We are only comfortable talking to someone (who) that we trust and is somehow related to the issue (what) that we want to talk about at this season (when) that this person is relatively an active part of our lives.
We are just wired differently.
Women have a particular top match a particular bottom to match a particular pair of shoes to go with a specific set of accessories to go with a specific color make up for that ONE OCCASION. To tell women to just wear anything and just go is simply .... impossible.
But men can.
We are just wired differently.
So rather then tell us men to open up to talk and offer us more avenues to talk, why don't we start with some mindset shifts?
Allow our men to cry. Don't belittle them when they do. There are just too many memes/ jokes mocking crying men on social media. Let the men cry freely and don't make them feel like it is a sign of weakness.
Be less judgy of men who fail or show moments of vulnerability. Men trust you that much to reveal their vulnerability to you. Once they sense your judgy eyes, it'll be very difficult to get them to open themselves to you again.
Be the Who that the man/ men around you can trust to talk to about the What at the time When they need you to listen.
V for Victory, which is often manifested by a show of strength.
But V can also mean Vulnerability, which is also a manifestation of victory.
It takes more strength and courage to admit we need support, than trying to win all the time.
So the next time I went missing from blogging for an extended period, don't judge me. It probably means I'm waiting for the right 'when' to share the 'what' with you 😉