Ok now that I have published a papablog, what’s next? Where shall I start? The beginning? But where is the beginning? When did I start becoming a father?
When did I start learning to be a father?
Or is it at the point when our eldest arrived?
Or I became a father when we found out my wife is expecting after the visit to the gynae?
Or when I picked up my first parenting book?
Or that moment when I saw a father who is a good role model and I decided I want to be like him one day in future?
Over the next 4 blog posts, I will be sharing my life story and how various people and experiences have shaped my perspective of what it means to be a father. It’s interesting that it took some reflection and journaling to put these perspectives into words and publish them on a blog.
The first fatherly example in my life is of course, my own dad. My dad is a traditional Chinese parent who is 嘴硬心软. He has never said “I love you“ to me, never given me a hug and I saw very little of him. Due to some family arrangements, he only started living with me when I was 12. But yet I still don’t really see him each day. What I’ll consistently see each day will be my pocket money left on the table before he goes to work as a night shift taxi driver. He comes home in the morning when I’m off to school, and by the time I come home in the late afternoon, he’s out again. My dad’s love language to his son is to
Work hard
Make money
Give money to family
Stay out of trouble
From him, I learnt that a man must have a job, work hard and make money to feed the family.
一个男人要养家
Thus from young, I learnt that if I want something, I need to earn it. I never ask for extra pocket money from my dad and I started doing part time jobs since I was 14. The extra money came in handy when I wanted to buy something for myself.. a badminton racket, ticket to watch a musical, a bicycle…
What I want, I work to earn it. I also learn not to be in debt as much as I can. I can count with one hand the number of times I borrowed money from my friends. If I did, it will constantly be on my mind to repay the debt as soon as I can.
These are good financial principles inbuilt in me through my dad. Yet, it was also through his experience / mistake of being a guarantor for a friend‘s debt that I learnt not to be one. Especially if you have a family. That mistake led to my dad having to sell our flat and me living separately from him at the age of 17.
A word of apology to those who have asked me to be a guarantor for you and got rejected. I can’t risk the future of my family. 🙏
一个男人要养家
一个好男人要记住有家要养
Disclaimer: No offence to stay-home dads! I believe you have made a huge sacrifice and are doing a GREAT job at home. You are contributing to 'feed the family' in your own way too!