Today is PSLE results collection day for the 2009 babies.
Don't COMPARE. 不要比较。
If I can only share ONE thing about parenting with you, it'll be this.
Don't compare with others.
Don't compare your kids with others. Be thankful with what you have.
The first advice my pastor gave me when I told him that we are getting married is this:
Love your wife till the end. She will grow old. Don't compare her with other ladies around you. There will always be someone younger, someone prettier. 没完没了的。
That left a deep impression on me and I applied this principle in all aspects. DO.NOT.COMPARE.
How big our house is?
What type of car I drive?
What type of lifestyle to give my kids?
and later on, what results did my kids get?
I learnt that once I start comparing with others, it's really 没完没了. When will I be satisfied with what I have?
From HDB to condo to a condo in town to landed property to 3 floors or 4 or 4
with basement...
From hatchback to small MPV to MPV to luxury car to owning 2 cars...
It'll be non-stop comparison just to keep oneself 'happy' and 'satisfied'.
There was once we were invited to a friend's house for dinner and we were told to bring our swimming gear as there's a pool. This house is actually a condo apartment within the Marina Bay Financial District and the pool overlooks the bay area. For a moment, as I stood in the pool absorbing the view, a thought flashed through my mind.
The owners are of the same age as us. How come they have but we don't?
When I looked across at our kids, they were happily enjoying themselves in the pool even though they did not know whose pool it was. I shook off the thought and decided to be thankful that our friends are wealthy and can afford this nice house, and are willing to share with us. So let's enjoy their generosity and the view while we can!
It was a good reminder not to compare. God blesses us in different ways. What we have and what we don't are according to His plans. We also make choices and sacrifices along the way to achieve where we are as of today. And I'm thankful for what I have today.
When the kids started going to school and began their journey of tests and exams, I had to constantly remind myself NOT TO COMPARE.
Who got higher marks for this test?
Who ran faster than you?
Who has tuition?
Who stays at a condo?
Who has a mobile phone? At P1????
At the same time, I also have to remind myself NOT TO JUSTIFY why we are 'worse off' than them.
He got higher marks because he has tuition.
He got tuition because his parents can afford it and does not spend time with him to tutor him themselves.
His parents did not have the time as both of them are working.
That's why they can afford a condo!
So he goes home to his grandparents or maid?
That is a form of comparison too. I've put myself constantly on the higher ground and put down the lifestyle of others, in order to justify why I am NOT comparing with them. This is NOT the right attitude too.
My happiness and sense of satisfaction is not dependent on others. If my son achieves 65 for a test and I know he has put in effort , I'm thankful. There is no need to compare his result with others who did better than him. There is also no need to put down his friends' achievements by saying "He got 80 because he spends his weekends going for tuition. You want that?!
Don't compare.
Don't compare up. Don't compare down.
Be thankful for what you have.
My contentment is found in God.
To the Ox babies collecting results today, PSLE is only a number. It does not define the future you. You will realise later in life that it is more important to understand how to accept/handle/manage whatever results you receive and MOVE ON, than trying to find out how many coins Helen and Ivan have.
To the parents of the Ox babies, don't compare. Give your child a hug or a high5. Your child completed primary school education during Covid. It's an accomplishment in itself. Celebrate the end of a journey and help them look forward to the next.
Don't compare.
"I have learnt to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:11-13